How to Take a Bath

1. Gather tea, cookies, water bottle, sex toys, phone, pillow. 
2. Run yourself a nice hot bath. 
3. Add bubble bath and epsom salt. 
4. Get comfy, sip tea, flip through flower bulb catalogue. 
5. Have ridiculous and wonderful conversations with your sister. 
6. Once you've marinated long enough, exfoliate. 
7. Drain your tub, realize earlier main line issues aren't fully resolved. 
8. Never trust your plumber again. 
9. Stand in the tub for a half hour waiting for it to drain. 
10. Take the world's worst shower, turning the water on only to rinse, never long enough for it to get warm. 
11. ???
12. Suffer forever, until you make more tea. 

Seriously, just bring snacks to the tub and just lounge there. Bring ice cream or a cocktail in the summer. Buy weird discounted Christmas soaps from Lush. Treat yourself. Make your plumber pay.